A Moment of Tension

With each contraction came the pain that dominated over my whole body. In those moments, for those seconds that stretched to infinity, there was nothing else, just toil and tension. I could hear my screams echo from the pale walls of the ward that cast a hazy pallor on the midwives. The nebulous surroundings were the creation of my mind, a prisoner of the jail called torture and malice. I clenched the sides of the bed, to push the little soul out of me.

My stomach tightened, like twisting from inside, the umbilical cord beating within like a whip. I looked down at the stretched skin with red vein-like tendrils seeping across the sides, which became wider, deeper and redder! My body was splitting apart, and nurses showed no signs of empathy. Sweating profusely, I could feel like someone had tied rusted iron chains around my abdomen that were cutting through my swarthy skin. There was no way out, except for bearing the excruciating pain!

My legs cycled up and down, as if kicking into the void to let the being out of my body, however, all my efforts in vain. Surges of blood thrashed down my thighs, covering the sheet underneath in neoteric dripped burgundy blood! My heart banged and throbbed within me, and the heartbeat of my unborn child was not at all in coherence! He was struggling within, battling with the tough walls of my uterus and trying to tear apart the delicate lining of my cervix!

The oxygen debt made everything so arduous and aggravated the pressure on my body. I realised that my body was giving up, my bones were breaking, my muscles were shredding and I was covered in bloodbath! The red colour now appeared even more spiteful than before. Blurred vision with the yellow light flickering above I was losing my strength and stamina! Unbearable contractions that seemed never to end, made my body and mind fragile that would fracture and shatter if a mild zephyr blew by!

How ironic! My child had brought a storm in my body, a gut-wrenching tornado within my system! I stopped. Gave up!

I laid spiritless on the hospital bed, only to hear the silence of my child’s heartbeat pace down. This agony, torment inflicted upon me was no match to the contractions and labour. I was killing my baby, while giving it birth! It was like a thousand knives were stabbing my chest and violently rupturing my body and soul.

I lost my breath, my fervour, my intense need of delivering my child! Was I so feeble, incompetent that losing my child didn’t threaten me? For taking one last step towards motherhood, I pushed myself tremendously, throwing all the illusions, pains, fears and treachery out of my body! The baby, placenta and blood gushed out of my body in a brief second, putting me to rest...

Too late, though. I had betrayed my own creation. My purgatory. My womb a grave for my child!

'As I lay

all the more closer to death,

while the world burns around me,

I wonder,

one simple thought,

Was it worth it,

was it worth,

all the pain and suffering?

almost immediately I answer

my own silent moment

of doubtfulness,

of course,

death,

is but a small price to pay

for eternal life.'