Qamar: The Lady Who Called For the Moon
As Batool Bano, my maid combed the tangles out of my hair, I asked her to narrate the story of my birth for almost the hundredth time. Although after hearing it I felt low, the knots in my hair hurt less, compared to how everyone reacted when I was born! She recited, “Your mother, in immense pain was pushing hard in labor. The Bedouin women and nurses surrounded her for support. I was there too. First came your brother, the legitimate heir to your father, Merchant Sulayman.”
I interrupted, “How did Sanjar look like?”
“He was thin as the point of the sword and hard like it too. His eyes, sunk deep into their sockets, glittered like black pearls”, she described.
Even though, the latter part was full of dismay, I wanted to hear it sharply, again.
“An eye blink later, you emerged, a black beauty, a goddess. However, everyone’s jaws dropped and it became so quiet, you could have heard a housefly fart!” Bano continued, “Your father walked towards Sanjar, alone and spread his arms in welcome. It was only your brother he meant to raise up, only your brother he wanted!”
Till date I can’t forgive him for that rejection, only due to my complexion. But if my very own father could not accept me, how could I expect the heinous society to do so. In a society that looked down its patrician nose on anything except milk and almond hues, this colored complexion was considered most unfortunate, especially for girls. Rumors about me being cursed or possessed by the evil spread like fire. Thus, to save his reputation, my father put me through excruciating hours where I was slathered with skin-whitening unguents and scrubbed with numerous exfoliants by my industrious maids. Moreover, in this baleful era of male-dominating culture, I was always condemned. I was shooed away, and reviled. I had lost all my confidence, courage and calmness to live this life. I wanted to be reborn, as a man, a ‘white’ man!
“Ohh! Come on! Drop those thoughts! Your complexion is irresistible!” Khwala teased me. He was my best friend, even he was severely dark skin, and therefore we got along well! Khwala enunciated,” We should assist the workers for the preparations of the grand party your father is throwing!”
With a sullen face I replied,” Oh Khwala, you know I detest those parties. I don’t even have the strength to visualize myself in front of those alluring girls and women with bright faces and cheerful banter. I can’t embarrass myself anymore. I will make an excuse as usual and avoid the celebration”.
He came closer, sat next to me and whispered tenderly near my ear, so that I could hear his heartbeat and mystic words,” Qamar, your darkness has its own magnetism. A problem becomes a problem only if you believe it to be so. And often others see you as you see yourself. I have never known any woman of such resolution and valor, don’t give up so early, you call after the moon itself!”
I gulped and murmured under my breath,” Khwala should become a motivational speaker!” but then I thought of giving it a last shot, to protect my body, respect and rights!
On the day of the celebration, I allowed Batool Bano, to dress me in a sea-blue silk, light as foam abaya; weave alwarda into my braid and place diamond in my ears. As I entered the hall, the crowd suddenly felt like warriors ready to infest on me! But I knew I had to fight, I knew I could. I gently swayed my hips, while elegantly walking forward and inclined my head in response to a greeting. “I too am beautiful. Qamar, I call for the moon!” I told myself. I kept up my confidence and glory for the rest of the party…
Noblewomen complimented my looks and people stood back deferential as I passed. I raised my chin proudly and showed off the line of my neck. Overnight, I who had been shunned, for my strangeness became a celebrated beauty!
“When we accept ourselves, look into the mirror and see the flawless body, pure soul which Allah has given us, the society will surely kneel down to accept us!” I, Qamar, the Goddess of beauty preach that the moon is nothing compared to the lady who praises and prays her body!
*Abaya - a traditional Muslim costume*
*Alwarda - Rose*